First of all, happy new year to you all. 🥳
I’m starting the year with a free-to-read post for everyone. I hope you enjoy it, and I’d love to connect with you all in the comments.
Eight months ago, I wrote and published a post here with the best intentions of it being the start of getting things going again after an already longer than planned hiatus. Life had other ideas though and I’m only now finally coming back to close the year out and start 2024 as I mean to go on.
Without doubt, the theme of my year has been that you can think you know how something will go and make as many plans as you like, but life doesn’t always play along with you.
As if to prove the point one final time before the year is over, I’m currently (I wrote this on Dec 29th) writing this, wrapped up in a Christmas blanket, at home on my own because my husband, who was meant to be home three days ago, got stuck in Scotland due to a storm. He’d gone to spend Christmas with his family for the first time in four years and we were planning to have our own Christmas Day tomorrow. That meant today should have been our Christmas Eve, involving a leisurely breakfast, a long walk and coming home to eat pizza and watch Christmas films. The reality though is that he won’t be home until after midnight, and I spent a large chunk of the day binge-watching Surviving Summer on Netflix, which has done absolutely nothing to abate my long-standing desire to go back to Australia, or my dislike for our weather right now in the UK.
On the plus side, these few days at home alone have actually been good and given me plenty of time to reflect on the past few months, put some things to bed, and clarify a few points.
To round off the year, I thought I’d share here, my lessons from 2023, and say once more with feeling, that this is the new beginning for Curiously Childfree.
I’m also planning a roundup post of things I enjoyed during the year, so keep an eye out for that in the next few days.
In the meantime, here are the lessons I’m taking with me into 2024. I’d love to see in the comments what you learned this year.
Erin
Lessons from 2023
1.             Nothing, whether it’s a person, situation or job, should be allowed to consistently make you feel bad.
If I’m honest, it took me far too long to learn this one but when I did, what a difference it made! Sure, something might make you feel a bit bad occasionally, life isn’t perfect, but when you reach the point of something affecting your mental health, relationships with others, or you start to question the very core of who you are, it’s time to change something. This lesson applied to a couple of different things for me this year but I’m ending the year having made some big changes that took a while to action but were definitely the right decisions.
2.             Paying more for pyjamas is worth it.
I used to see very little point in spending much money on something I only wore to bed, and never cared whether I was wearing a matching set. Then, a few months ago whilst I was visiting my cousin in San Francisco, I spotted a lovely set in the window of Victoria’s Secret as I walked across Union Square, I liked them a lot and decided to buy them as a holiday treat to myself. I was not disappointed and was surprised by how good it felt to wear pyjamas that I didn’t just view as functional but also pretty (and matching) and the material feels better too. I’m converted.
3.             Success really is defined individually.
It’s easy to be influenced by friends, family and what you see in the media (traditional and social), and I’ve definitely been swayed by all of them in the past. But this year I saw from various sources how you can seemingly have everything on paper – the job, the house, the bank balance etc. – but ultimately not be happy. Success for me is defined by whether I’m happy and getting to do the things I enjoy (once my bills are paid of course). For some, senior-level job titles are success, for others it’s affording luxury goods, but for me, it’s being able to have experiences – travel, theatre, live music, dining, learning new things.
4.             People can always surprise you, no matter how long you’ve known them.
Sometimes it’s in a positive way, sometimes not, it’s a risk you take with any relationship.
5.             Being driven to neglecting your friends, family and passions is never okay.
I have been truly atrocious at staying in touch with people this year, and haven’t taken part in my usual hobbies anywhere near as much as I would do normally. It’s only recently that I’ve come across a few articles written about burnout, and I’m now wondering if that’s what had happened to me, a lot of what I’ve read rings true for me. Whatever label you want to put on it, I’m in no hurry to experience it again.
6.             There’s a lot to be said for making the most of a disappointing situation.
Our long-awaited honeymoon was booked for the end of November but instead of a week relaxing at spa hotel in Austria, we ended up stuck in Munich for four nights due a massive snow storm, and coming home early. Bad weather travel delays seem to be the theme of final few weeks of 2023! Sure, it wasn’t exactly what we’d planned but we made the most of the extra time in the city, it gave us a chance to explore further, visit more Christmas markets and eat more delicious food. Plus, the city looked so beautiful covered in snow. We’re now making plans to have a second attempt next year.
7.             German Christmas markets are SO much better than the UK.
I’ve visited some really nice markets in the UK (Winchester is my favourite) but honestly, the ones we went to in Munich were fantastic. The food, the music, the products, the variety, we loved it.
8.             Espresso martinis are delicious.
I don’t really drink, I never have. I might have an Old Mout cider or two at barbecues over the summer but that’s it. I often joke that I’m 99% teetotal. I’ve tried lots of drinks and to me, they all taste pretty vile. One I’ve been curious about though is an espresso martini but just never got around to trying it. I finally got to this year and really like them! Granted, I find the taste quite strong so usually only have one, but they’re a nice way to round off a meal at a restaurant. So far, the best ones I’ve had are at Smith & Wollensky and Hawksmoor (yes, I like a good steak too).
9.             Taking breaks and resting is very important and you shouldn’t feel guilty.
This is still a work in progress. I still have a niggling feeling that I should have crossed at least a couple of things off of my to-do list any time I spend a day resting, but I’m trying to get better at it.
10.          Travelling fuels me.
Before visiting my cousin this year, I hadn’t left the UK since 2017. I got to travel quite a bit with my previous job, and went through a period of also doing a fair few trips with Ross (my husband), my mum, and some friends. I always enjoyed it but it wasn’t until San Francisco this year that I realised just how much I’d missed it, and how much it fuels me and gets me excited. I really hope I can get back to more regular travel next year.
11.          Plants can quickly develop into an addiction.
We haven’t gone quite a wild as we’d like to in our new place but there are still a lot of surfaces that are prime for plant pots. I’m sure there will be new additions next year.
12.          I might want to write a screenplay.
Lots of people say they want to write a book or feel that they have a book in them. I’ve never really felt like that but recently I’ve been mulling over the idea of a large piece of creative work in a different format. It’s still very much just a thought, I have no clue what I’d write about, or how I’d ever go about trying to get it made. It might never happen but I like thinking about it.
13.          I won’t ignore my gut instinct again.
I usually listen to my gut but in 2022 I had an iffy feeling about something and I ignored it. Unfortunately, this year it truly bit me on the bum!
14.          I exercise better with other people, and it’s not about strength or speed, it’s about knowing you’re doing good for your body.
At the start of the year, I started working with a PT. She’s lovely, and exercising with her made me so much more inclined to do it. I felt like I’d made a commitment to her, even though ultimately it was for me, and she’s great company, so having a good chat whilst working out can be great as a distraction if you’re struggling to complete reps.
15.          How others are treated matters to me a lot. I like taking the time to get to know people and be kind and thoughtful towards them. Nobody is going to stop me doing that.
A few people this year have actively told me to not be considerate towards certain people. It doesn’t sit well with me at all, it’s not who I am and it’s not who I want to be. I’m open to changing when there’s a problem but good manners and being thoughtful aren’t things I see as problems.
16.          Don’t let someone make you feel bad for hobbies or interests that make you happy.
Liking country and bluegrass music as a teenager in the 90s and early-00s wasn’t exactly cool but I did it and never let anyone make me feel bad for it, even when they tried to, I carried on listening to whatever music I liked. I hadn’t really encountered much obvious judgement about my interests for a long time but I did this year. I still feel the same as I did 25 years ago - I like what I like, you like what you like, and we don’t have to like the same things. If something brings you happiness, don’t give it up because someone else doesn’t understand it or doesn’t think it’s ‘cool’ - cool is subjective.
17.          I really like heavy cutlery and glassware.
The same goes for pens but I learned that a long time ago.
18.          Daily yoga is a must.
Sitting at a desk for hours every day really started to affect my lower back a few months ago. I used to do regular yoga but got out of the habit. Make sure you move!
19.          The arts and creativity are where my heart lies.
I’d sort of always known this one but don’t think I realised just how deep that interest runs until this year. In a previous job I spent most of my days writing about theatre, music, film, dining and travel, and I loved it. I know now that nothing can compete with that love, and as well as looking for a new day job within those industries, it’s also shown me how much I need a creative outlet in the form of this Substack.
20.          I want to know London better.
I’ve lived in London my whole life but there are still big chunks that I don’t know well or have never even visited. A couple of weeks ago I went to Primrose Hill for the first time and the view was pretty amazing. Afterwards, I wandered along Regents Park Road to enjoy all the lovely little independent boutiques and coffee shops. I definitely want to go back to eat at Odette’s, and might venture across to Abbey Road Studios or north to Hampstead, two other places I’ve never been. Let me know if you have a favourite place in London that you think I should visit.
21.          If you keep saying you’ll meet up with someone, make a point of doing it as soon as you can. Sometimes it can end up being too late.
22.          Fantasy Football is fun, and beating my husband when I have little knowledge of the game is bizarrely satisfying.
The extent of my football knowledge comes from conversations I have with Ross, and from the fact that we watch Match of the Day together every Saturday. I think I’ve probably watched about three full matches ever in my whole life. Ross takes part in Fantasy Football every year and I always say I’ll do it and don’t, but this year I finally signed up. I’m not winning by much but I am still winning, which is annoying him a lot! I’ve also discovered that Fantasy can be incredibly frustrating when good players get injured, or you buy them for your team and then they immediately get themselves suspended.
23.          Print photos – lots of them!
Honestly, don’t let them live on your phone or camera forever. We had some printed a few weeks ago and seeing them around the house is so lovely.
Not really lessons but new words (I love learning new words) and this year, two that really stuck in my mind were orthogonal and apotheosis. I haven’t managed to use either of them yet but I like knowing them.
What lessons (or new words) did you learn this year? Feel free to share in the comments.
Number 9 speaks to me.... we had such a hectic Christmas and new year hosting, and I’ve gone back to work exhausted. We’re thinking of staying in a hotel next Christmas just us two, but I feel guilty about leaving my mum to be with my brothers who aren’t natural hosts. Also she’ll be 83 next year. I don’t even like roast dinners 🤣
Great post! So many of these things resonated with me, especially the one about success. I’ve been on my own journey last year and letting go of job titles and responsibility made me so much happier.